That Time I Went Off at Work

(Yep, this is that story.)

I used to pride myself on being polished. Like, seriously polished. I was young, Black, and working in finance. The kind of finance where every client had a million dollars or more invested in their portfolio. I answered their questions, placed their trades, and worked my magic to bring any outside assets they had under our roof.

I was always buttoned up. Professional. Reserved. Conservative. Never doing too much, never too loud. Just consistent, capable, and focused.

But this one time…

I went off.

Not slammed-the-desk, threw-a-stapler off, but I did raise my voice.

I snapped, and if you knew me professionally, you would know that’s not even my style.

Here’s what happened…

There was this guy. A coworker. The nicest word I can find for him is… jerk. He was that brand of smug that makes you squint and wonder: Is it because I’m Black? Is it because I’m a woman? Is it both? Or are you just universally terrible? I didn’t know. I just knew I wasn’t feeling it.

He would pop off with smart comments regularly, and every time I’d take the high road. Michelle Obama, anyone? You know… when they go low, we go…

Anyway, one day… one specific day…

He said something slick. Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you exactly what it was, but I didn’t pause. I didn’t breathe. I didn’t blink.

I snapped back.

…and not in the cute “clapback on social media” way. It was loud. It was sharp. It was out of character for me. So much so that I shocked myself.

It wasn’t profanity. I didn’t break anything or throw a lamp across the office, but I spoke from the pit of my frustration. I spoke loudly. Loud enough that my manager pulled us both aside.

I never found out what discipline (if any) he got, but I know what I got:

A write-up.

My first and only write-up in my entire career and listen… that thing rattled me. Not just because it was a formal slap on the wrist, but because it had taken so much to push me to that point. I was embarrassed. I was mad. I was still frustrated. Most of all, I felt like I had let myself down.

I remember my manager said something like,

“I get it… but you can’t do that.”

I understood. I knew better. Even then, I was never immature. Never unprofessional. I had always been a top performer who handled her business and I let one moment throw all of that off balance.

That moment taught me something I’ve carried ever since:

You don’t always have to respond right away.

In fact, some of your strongest leadership moments will come from your silence. From your pause. From your decision to wait, to think, to circle back when you’ve cooled down and your clarity is sharp.

That one moment, 20 years ago, has reminded me that I don’t ever want to give anyone so much power that they pull me out of my character.

That moment was never repeated. NEVER.

Moral of the Story?

If you’ve ever snapped at work (or almost snapped), you’re not alone.

I wish someone would have told me…

You can build a go-to phrase, a little mental script, to help you hit pause.

Something like:

“This conversation is important. I want to make sure I fully understand and weigh everything before I respond. Let me get back to you.”

That’s leadership. That’s power. That’s grown-woman (or man or person) management right there.

So next time something at work makes your jaw clench, your eyes roll, or your nerves spike…

Don’t let it take your power. Take a breath. Reclaim your time, and then come back swinging—strategically.

If you found this helpful or felt any part of your story in mine, go ahead and click the heart or drop a comment.

Let’s keep building a space where leaders—especially new ones, especially women, especially us—can grow, get honest, and be free.

Leadership doesn’t have to mean carrying it all alone.

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