Hard to Lead, Easy to Annoy: Why That One Team Member is Driving You Bananas
If you’ve ever had a team member who makes you question your career choices, read on.
Managing people isn’t always hard but managing difficult people? That’ll have you questioning your whole life. Like… do I even want this job?
Usually, people aren’t difficult without reason. I’ve found that there’s always something underneath that behavior, and once you know what you’re dealing with, it gets easier to handle.
Here’s my take:
They’re carrying stuff they never got to say.
Sometimes the problem isn’t you. It’s something they’ve been holding in. Maybe they brought it up before and nobody did anything. Maybe it’s personal stress bleeding into work. Either way, when stuff goes unspoken, it can show up in behavior.
What to do:
Don’t approach with attitude, but instead, just check in. Try something like:
“Hey, something seems different. Is there anything you need? I am available to help.”
You’re not trying to play therapist, but giving people the space to speak can change the whole vibe.
They don’t know they are the problem.
Some people think they’re being “honest” and “keeping it real” when they’re actually being rude and doing the most. They are not trying to be difficult. They just don’t see how they are coming across.
What to do:
Help them connect the dots.
Try: “I know you probably didn’t mean it that way, but here’s how that landed and made the team feel…”
This gives them a mirror so they can have the opportunity to see themselves through the eyes of others.
They are seeing what they can get away with.
Yep, some folks are just testing you. They want to know: “Will you let it slide?” or “Will you say something?”. They push limits to see where the line is.
What to do:
Set the tone, be calm, and crystal clear.
Say: “Lately, XYZ has been taking place. That doesn’t meet expectations. My expectations are…”
When people see that you are clear, firm and consistent, they are more likely to respect boundaries.
In the end, you don’t have to fix people. You just have to understand what’s driving their behavior so you can lead from a place of confidence instead of frustration.
If this hit for you, then drop a comment.
And if you’ve ever wished there was a space where you could talk about stuff like this without judgment—where people get what you’re going through—just know, I’ve been thinking about that too.
Do you find value in this newsletter?
If so, feel free to share it! Drop it in your group chat, forward it to your work bestie, or slide it to that one person who’s been ready for more but just needs a little push.
Let’s grow together.
Did you miss last week’s issue?
If This is Happening to You as a Manager, It's Bogus
So maybe you feel like you’re out here in these corporate streets without support. I see you and I get it. Just know it’s not a reflection of your talent or your readiness. Too many managers, especially women and people of color, are promoted or hired into management positions without the tools, mentorship, or guidance they need to be successful.
Thank you for reading The Leadership Blueprint.